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Nina Balatka
Nina Balatka

Chapter IX

Cover illustration for Nina Balatka
Context Illustration Reading 1/57 · 5 lines
English subtitles · tap any word to listen 1 / 5
Nina's misery as she went home was almost complete.
She had not, indeed, quarrelled with her lover, who had again caressed her as she left him, and assured her of his absolute confidence, but she had undertaken a task against which her very soul revolted.
It gave her no comfort to say to herself that she had undertaken to look for that which she knew she would not find, and that therefore her search could do no harm.
She had, in truth, consented to become a spy upon her father, and was so to do in furtherance of the views of one who suspected her father of fraud, and who had not scrupled to tell her that her father was dishonest.
Now again she thought of St Nicholas, as she heard the dull chime of the clock from the saint's tower, and found herself forced to acknowledge that she was doing very wickedly in loving a Jew.
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AI-generated narration by OpenAI · Slow US English
LEARNER DICTIONARY
Archivist
/ˈɑːrkɪvɪst/
Editorial verification pending

A keeper or guardian of historical records and memories.

Nina Balatka

Chapter IX

Reading 1/57 · 5 reading units · Lines 1–5

Line 1
Nina's misery as she went home was almost complete.
Line 2
She had not, indeed, quarrelled with her lover, who had again caressed her as she left him, and assured her of his absolute confidence, but she had undertaken a task against which her very soul revolted.
Line 3
It gave her no comfort to say to herself that she had undertaken to look for that which she knew she would not find, and that therefore her search could do no harm.
Line 4
She had, in truth, consented to become a spy upon her father, and was so to do in furtherance of the views of one who suspected her father of fraud, and who had not scrupled to tell her that her father was dishonest.
Line 5
Now again she thought of St Nicholas, as she heard the dull chime of the clock from the saint's tower, and found herself forced to acknowledge that she was doing very wickedly in loving a Jew.

Learner Dictionary

Oxford-style entry order: headword, part of speech, US IPA, concise definition, contextual example, audio, and collocations from this reading.

Again noun US /again/

an important story-specific word used in this passage

From this reading “She had not, indeed, quarrelled with her lover, who had again caressed her as she left him, and assured her of his absolute confidence, but she had undertaken a task against which her very soul revolted.”

Against preposition US /əˈɡenst/

touching and pressing; in opposition to

From this reading “She had not, indeed, quarrelled with her lover, who had again caressed her as she left him, and assured her of his absolute confidence, but she had undertaken a task against which her very soul revolted.”

Complete noun US /complete/

an important story-specific word used in this passage

From this reading “Nina's misery as she went home was almost complete.”

Confidence noun US /ˈconfidence/

a story-specific word describing an important person, object, action, or idea in this passage

From this reading “She had not, indeed, quarrelled with her lover, who had again caressed her as she left him, and assured her of his absolute confidence, but she had undertaken a task against which her very soul revolted.”

Could modal verb US /kʊd/

the past of “can”; used for possibility or polite requests

From this reading “It gave her no comfort to say to herself that she had undertaken to look for that which she knew she would not find, and that therefore her search could do no harm.”

Found noun US /found/

an important story-specific word used in this passage

From this reading “Now again she thought of St Nicholas, as she heard the dull chime of the clock from the saint's tower, and found herself forced to acknowledge that she was doing very wickedly in loving a Jew.”

Herself pronoun US /hərˈself/

used when the woman or girl doing the action is also its object

From this reading “It gave her no comfort to say to herself that she had undertaken to look for that which she knew she would not find, and that therefore her search could do no harm.”

Left noun US /left/

an important story-specific word used in this passage

From this reading “She had not, indeed, quarrelled with her lover, who had again caressed her as she left him, and assured her of his absolute confidence, but she had undertaken a task against which her very soul revolted.”

Look noun US /look/

an important story-specific word used in this passage

From this reading “It gave her no comfort to say to herself that she had undertaken to look for that which she knew she would not find, and that therefore her search could do no harm.”

One pronoun US /wʌn/

used to mean any person in general, including the speaker

From this reading “She had, in truth, consented to become a spy upon her father, and was so to do in furtherance of the views of one who suspected her father of fraud, and who had not scrupled to tell her that her father was dishonest.”

Tell noun US /tell/

an important story-specific word used in this passage

From this reading “She had, in truth, consented to become a spy upon her father, and was so to do in furtherance of the views of one who suspected her father of fraud, and who had not scrupled to tell her that her father was dishonest.”

Therefore adverb US /ˈðerfɔːr/

for that reason; as a result

From this reading “It gave her no comfort to say to herself that she had undertaken to look for that which she knew she would not find, and that therefore her search could do no harm.”

Thought noun US /thought/

an important story-specific word used in this passage

From this reading “Now again she thought of St Nicholas, as she heard the dull chime of the clock from the saint's tower, and found herself forced to acknowledge that she was doing very wickedly in loving a Jew.”

Upon preposition US /əˈpɑːn/

a formal word for “on”

From this reading “She had, in truth, consented to become a spy upon her father, and was so to do in furtherance of the views of one who suspected her father of fraud, and who had not scrupled to tell her that her father was dishonest.”

Went noun US /went/

an important story-specific word used in this passage

From this reading “Nina's misery as she went home was almost complete.”

Would modal verb US /wʊd/

used for something imagined, polite, or habitual in the past

From this reading “It gave her no comfort to say to herself that she had undertaken to look for that which she knew she would not find, and that therefore her search could do no harm.”

All words in this reading · 89

Every word is available to listen to. Dictionary details are shown only when verified; these are not licensed Oxford entries.

adeterminerUS /ə/

used before a singular noun to mean one of a group, when it is not a particular one

From this reading She had not, indeed, quarrelled with her lover, who had again caressed her as she left him, and assured her of his absolute confidence, but she had undertaken a task against which her very soul revolted.

absolute

Dictionary entry pending editorial verification. Tap Listen to hear the word.

From this reading She had not, indeed, quarrelled with her lover, who had again caressed her as she left him, and assured her of his absolute confidence, but she had undertaken a task against which her very soul revolted.

acknowledge

Dictionary entry pending editorial verification. Tap Listen to hear the word.

From this reading Now again she thought of St Nicholas, as she heard the dull chime of the clock from the saint's tower, and found herself forced to acknowledge that she was doing very wickedly in loving a Jew.

againnounUS /again/

an important story-specific word used in this passage

From this reading She had not, indeed, quarrelled with her lover, who had again caressed her as she left him, and assured her of his absolute confidence, but she had undertaken a task against which her very soul revolted.

againstprepositionUS /əˈɡenst/

touching and pressing; in opposition to

From this reading She had not, indeed, quarrelled with her lover, who had again caressed her as she left him, and assured her of his absolute confidence, but she had undertaken a task against which her very soul revolted.

almost

Dictionary entry pending editorial verification. Tap Listen to hear the word.

From this reading Nina's misery as she went home was almost complete.

andconjunctionUS /ənd/

used to join words or parts of a sentence that go together

From this reading She had not, indeed, quarrelled with her lover, who had again caressed her as she left him, and assured her of his absolute confidence, but she had undertaken a task against which her very soul revolted.

asconjunctionUS /æz/

at the same time that; because; in the way that

From this reading Nina's misery as she went home was almost complete.

assured

Dictionary entry pending editorial verification. Tap Listen to hear the word.

From this reading She had not, indeed, quarrelled with her lover, who had again caressed her as she left him, and assured her of his absolute confidence, but she had undertaken a task against which her very soul revolted.

become

Dictionary entry pending editorial verification. Tap Listen to hear the word.

From this reading She had, in truth, consented to become a spy upon her father, and was so to do in furtherance of the views of one who suspected her father of fraud, and who had not scrupled to tell her that her father was dishonest.

butconjunctionUS /bʌt/

used to introduce something that contrasts with what came before

From this reading She had not, indeed, quarrelled with her lover, who had again caressed her as she left him, and assured her of his absolute confidence, but she had undertaken a task against which her very soul revolted.

caressed

Dictionary entry pending editorial verification. Tap Listen to hear the word.

From this reading She had not, indeed, quarrelled with her lover, who had again caressed her as she left him, and assured her of his absolute confidence, but she had undertaken a task against which her very soul revolted.

chime

Dictionary entry pending editorial verification. Tap Listen to hear the word.

From this reading Now again she thought of St Nicholas, as she heard the dull chime of the clock from the saint's tower, and found herself forced to acknowledge that she was doing very wickedly in loving a Jew.

clock

Dictionary entry pending editorial verification. Tap Listen to hear the word.

From this reading Now again she thought of St Nicholas, as she heard the dull chime of the clock from the saint's tower, and found herself forced to acknowledge that she was doing very wickedly in loving a Jew.

comfort

Dictionary entry pending editorial verification. Tap Listen to hear the word.

From this reading It gave her no comfort to say to herself that she had undertaken to look for that which she knew she would not find, and that therefore her search could do no harm.

completenounUS /complete/

an important story-specific word used in this passage

From this reading Nina's misery as she went home was almost complete.

confidencenounUS /ˈconfidence/

a story-specific word describing an important person, object, action, or idea in this passage

From this reading She had not, indeed, quarrelled with her lover, who had again caressed her as she left him, and assured her of his absolute confidence, but she had undertaken a task against which her very soul revolted.

consented

Dictionary entry pending editorial verification. Tap Listen to hear the word.

From this reading She had, in truth, consented to become a spy upon her father, and was so to do in furtherance of the views of one who suspected her father of fraud, and who had not scrupled to tell her that her father was dishonest.

couldmodal verbUS /kʊd/

the past of “can”; used for possibility or polite requests

From this reading It gave her no comfort to say to herself that she had undertaken to look for that which she knew she would not find, and that therefore her search could do no harm.

dishonest

Dictionary entry pending editorial verification. Tap Listen to hear the word.

From this reading She had, in truth, consented to become a spy upon her father, and was so to do in furtherance of the views of one who suspected her father of fraud, and who had not scrupled to tell her that her father was dishonest.

doauxiliary verbUS /duː/

used to form questions and negatives, and to give emphasis

From this reading It gave her no comfort to say to herself that she had undertaken to look for that which she knew she would not find, and that therefore her search could do no harm.

doing

Dictionary entry pending editorial verification. Tap Listen to hear the word.

From this reading Now again she thought of St Nicholas, as she heard the dull chime of the clock from the saint's tower, and found herself forced to acknowledge that she was doing very wickedly in loving a Jew.

dull

Dictionary entry pending editorial verification. Tap Listen to hear the word.

From this reading Now again she thought of St Nicholas, as she heard the dull chime of the clock from the saint's tower, and found herself forced to acknowledge that she was doing very wickedly in loving a Jew.

father

Dictionary entry pending editorial verification. Tap Listen to hear the word.

From this reading She had, in truth, consented to become a spy upon her father, and was so to do in furtherance of the views of one who suspected her father of fraud, and who had not scrupled to tell her that her father was dishonest.

find

Dictionary entry pending editorial verification. Tap Listen to hear the word.

From this reading It gave her no comfort to say to herself that she had undertaken to look for that which she knew she would not find, and that therefore her search could do no harm.

forprepositionUS /fɔːr/

intended to be given to, or used by, somebody

From this reading It gave her no comfort to say to herself that she had undertaken to look for that which she knew she would not find, and that therefore her search could do no harm.

forced

Dictionary entry pending editorial verification. Tap Listen to hear the word.

From this reading Now again she thought of St Nicholas, as she heard the dull chime of the clock from the saint's tower, and found herself forced to acknowledge that she was doing very wickedly in loving a Jew.

foundnounUS /found/

an important story-specific word used in this passage

From this reading Now again she thought of St Nicholas, as she heard the dull chime of the clock from the saint's tower, and found herself forced to acknowledge that she was doing very wickedly in loving a Jew.

fraud

Dictionary entry pending editorial verification. Tap Listen to hear the word.

From this reading She had, in truth, consented to become a spy upon her father, and was so to do in furtherance of the views of one who suspected her father of fraud, and who had not scrupled to tell her that her father was dishonest.

fromprepositionUS /frʌm/

showing where something starts, or who sent it

From this reading Now again she thought of St Nicholas, as she heard the dull chime of the clock from the saint's tower, and found herself forced to acknowledge that she was doing very wickedly in loving a Jew.

furtherance

Dictionary entry pending editorial verification. Tap Listen to hear the word.

From this reading She had, in truth, consented to become a spy upon her father, and was so to do in furtherance of the views of one who suspected her father of fraud, and who had not scrupled to tell her that her father was dishonest.

gave

Dictionary entry pending editorial verification. Tap Listen to hear the word.

From this reading It gave her no comfort to say to herself that she had undertaken to look for that which she knew she would not find, and that therefore her search could do no harm.

hadauxiliary verbUS /hæd/

the past form of “have”, used to form the past perfect

From this reading She had not, indeed, quarrelled with her lover, who had again caressed her as she left him, and assured her of his absolute confidence, but she had undertaken a task against which her very soul revolted.

harm

Dictionary entry pending editorial verification. Tap Listen to hear the word.

From this reading It gave her no comfort to say to herself that she had undertaken to look for that which she knew she would not find, and that therefore her search could do no harm.

heard

Dictionary entry pending editorial verification. Tap Listen to hear the word.

From this reading Now again she thought of St Nicholas, as she heard the dull chime of the clock from the saint's tower, and found herself forced to acknowledge that she was doing very wickedly in loving a Jew.

herdeterminerUS /hɜːr/

belonging to a woman, girl, or female animal already mentioned

From this reading She had not, indeed, quarrelled with her lover, who had again caressed her as she left him, and assured her of his absolute confidence, but she had undertaken a task against which her very soul revolted.

herselfpronounUS /hərˈself/

used when the woman or girl doing the action is also its object

From this reading It gave her no comfort to say to herself that she had undertaken to look for that which she knew she would not find, and that therefore her search could do no harm.

himpronounUS /hɪm/

the male already mentioned, as the object of a verb or preposition

From this reading She had not, indeed, quarrelled with her lover, who had again caressed her as she left him, and assured her of his absolute confidence, but she had undertaken a task against which her very soul revolted.

hisdeterminerUS /hɪz/

belonging to a man, boy, or male animal already mentioned

From this reading She had not, indeed, quarrelled with her lover, who had again caressed her as she left him, and assured her of his absolute confidence, but she had undertaken a task against which her very soul revolted.

home

Dictionary entry pending editorial verification. Tap Listen to hear the word.

From this reading Nina's misery as she went home was almost complete.

inprepositionUS /ɪn/

inside something, or within a place, period, or state

From this reading She had, in truth, consented to become a spy upon her father, and was so to do in furtherance of the views of one who suspected her father of fraud, and who had not scrupled to tell her that her father was dishonest.

indeed

Dictionary entry pending editorial verification. Tap Listen to hear the word.

From this reading She had not, indeed, quarrelled with her lover, who had again caressed her as she left him, and assured her of his absolute confidence, but she had undertaken a task against which her very soul revolted.

ItpronounUS /ɪt/

a thing, animal, or idea already mentioned

From this reading It gave her no comfort to say to herself that she had undertaken to look for that which she knew she would not find, and that therefore her search could do no harm.

Jew

Dictionary entry pending editorial verification. Tap Listen to hear the word.

From this reading Now again she thought of St Nicholas, as she heard the dull chime of the clock from the saint's tower, and found herself forced to acknowledge that she was doing very wickedly in loving a Jew.

knew

Dictionary entry pending editorial verification. Tap Listen to hear the word.

From this reading It gave her no comfort to say to herself that she had undertaken to look for that which she knew she would not find, and that therefore her search could do no harm.

leftnounUS /left/

an important story-specific word used in this passage

From this reading She had not, indeed, quarrelled with her lover, who had again caressed her as she left him, and assured her of his absolute confidence, but she had undertaken a task against which her very soul revolted.

looknounUS /look/

an important story-specific word used in this passage

From this reading It gave her no comfort to say to herself that she had undertaken to look for that which she knew she would not find, and that therefore her search could do no harm.

lover

Dictionary entry pending editorial verification. Tap Listen to hear the word.

From this reading She had not, indeed, quarrelled with her lover, who had again caressed her as she left him, and assured her of his absolute confidence, but she had undertaken a task against which her very soul revolted.

loving

Dictionary entry pending editorial verification. Tap Listen to hear the word.

From this reading Now again she thought of St Nicholas, as she heard the dull chime of the clock from the saint's tower, and found herself forced to acknowledge that she was doing very wickedly in loving a Jew.

misery

Dictionary entry pending editorial verification. Tap Listen to hear the word.

From this reading Nina's misery as she went home was almost complete.

Nicholas

Dictionary entry pending editorial verification. Tap Listen to hear the word.

From this reading Now again she thought of St Nicholas, as she heard the dull chime of the clock from the saint's tower, and found herself forced to acknowledge that she was doing very wickedly in loving a Jew.

Nina's

Dictionary entry pending editorial verification. Tap Listen to hear the word.

From this reading Nina's misery as she went home was almost complete.

nodeterminerUS /noʊ/

not any; not one

From this reading It gave her no comfort to say to herself that she had undertaken to look for that which she knew she would not find, and that therefore her search could do no harm.

notadverbUS /nɑːt/

used to make a word, phrase, or sentence negative

From this reading She had not, indeed, quarrelled with her lover, who had again caressed her as she left him, and assured her of his absolute confidence, but she had undertaken a task against which her very soul revolted.

Now

Dictionary entry pending editorial verification. Tap Listen to hear the word.

From this reading Now again she thought of St Nicholas, as she heard the dull chime of the clock from the saint's tower, and found herself forced to acknowledge that she was doing very wickedly in loving a Jew.

ofprepositionUS /ʌv/

belonging to, or connected with, somebody or something

From this reading She had not, indeed, quarrelled with her lover, who had again caressed her as she left him, and assured her of his absolute confidence, but she had undertaken a task against which her very soul revolted.

onepronounUS /wʌn/

used to mean any person in general, including the speaker

From this reading She had, in truth, consented to become a spy upon her father, and was so to do in furtherance of the views of one who suspected her father of fraud, and who had not scrupled to tell her that her father was dishonest.

quarrelled

Dictionary entry pending editorial verification. Tap Listen to hear the word.

From this reading She had not, indeed, quarrelled with her lover, who had again caressed her as she left him, and assured her of his absolute confidence, but she had undertaken a task against which her very soul revolted.

revolted

Dictionary entry pending editorial verification. Tap Listen to hear the word.

From this reading She had not, indeed, quarrelled with her lover, who had again caressed her as she left him, and assured her of his absolute confidence, but she had undertaken a task against which her very soul revolted.

saint's

Dictionary entry pending editorial verification. Tap Listen to hear the word.

From this reading Now again she thought of St Nicholas, as she heard the dull chime of the clock from the saint's tower, and found herself forced to acknowledge that she was doing very wickedly in loving a Jew.

say

Dictionary entry pending editorial verification. Tap Listen to hear the word.

From this reading It gave her no comfort to say to herself that she had undertaken to look for that which she knew she would not find, and that therefore her search could do no harm.

scrupled

Dictionary entry pending editorial verification. Tap Listen to hear the word.

From this reading She had, in truth, consented to become a spy upon her father, and was so to do in furtherance of the views of one who suspected her father of fraud, and who had not scrupled to tell her that her father was dishonest.

search

Dictionary entry pending editorial verification. Tap Listen to hear the word.

From this reading It gave her no comfort to say to herself that she had undertaken to look for that which she knew she would not find, and that therefore her search could do no harm.

shepronounUS /ʃiː/

a woman, girl, or female animal already mentioned, as the subject

From this reading Nina's misery as she went home was almost complete.

soconjunctionUS /soʊ/

for that reason; with the result that

From this reading She had, in truth, consented to become a spy upon her father, and was so to do in furtherance of the views of one who suspected her father of fraud, and who had not scrupled to tell her that her father was dishonest.

soul

Dictionary entry pending editorial verification. Tap Listen to hear the word.

From this reading She had not, indeed, quarrelled with her lover, who had again caressed her as she left him, and assured her of his absolute confidence, but she had undertaken a task against which her very soul revolted.

spy

Dictionary entry pending editorial verification. Tap Listen to hear the word.

From this reading She had, in truth, consented to become a spy upon her father, and was so to do in furtherance of the views of one who suspected her father of fraud, and who had not scrupled to tell her that her father was dishonest.

St

Dictionary entry pending editorial verification. Tap Listen to hear the word.

From this reading Now again she thought of St Nicholas, as she heard the dull chime of the clock from the saint's tower, and found herself forced to acknowledge that she was doing very wickedly in loving a Jew.

suspected

Dictionary entry pending editorial verification. Tap Listen to hear the word.

From this reading She had, in truth, consented to become a spy upon her father, and was so to do in furtherance of the views of one who suspected her father of fraud, and who had not scrupled to tell her that her father was dishonest.

task

Dictionary entry pending editorial verification. Tap Listen to hear the word.

From this reading She had not, indeed, quarrelled with her lover, who had again caressed her as she left him, and assured her of his absolute confidence, but she had undertaken a task against which her very soul revolted.

tellnounUS /tell/

an important story-specific word used in this passage

From this reading She had, in truth, consented to become a spy upon her father, and was so to do in furtherance of the views of one who suspected her father of fraud, and who had not scrupled to tell her that her father was dishonest.

thatconjunctionUS /ðæt/

used to introduce what somebody said, thought, or felt

From this reading It gave her no comfort to say to herself that she had undertaken to look for that which she knew she would not find, and that therefore her search could do no harm.

thedeterminerUS /ðə/

used before a noun that is already known, already mentioned, or the only one of its kind

From this reading She had, in truth, consented to become a spy upon her father, and was so to do in furtherance of the views of one who suspected her father of fraud, and who had not scrupled to tell her that her father was dishonest.

thereforeadverbUS /ˈðerfɔːr/

for that reason; as a result

From this reading It gave her no comfort to say to herself that she had undertaken to look for that which she knew she would not find, and that therefore her search could do no harm.

thoughtnounUS /thought/

an important story-specific word used in this passage

From this reading Now again she thought of St Nicholas, as she heard the dull chime of the clock from the saint's tower, and found herself forced to acknowledge that she was doing very wickedly in loving a Jew.

toparticleUS /tuː/

used before the base form of a verb to make the infinitive

From this reading It gave her no comfort to say to herself that she had undertaken to look for that which she knew she would not find, and that therefore her search could do no harm.

tower

Dictionary entry pending editorial verification. Tap Listen to hear the word.

From this reading Now again she thought of St Nicholas, as she heard the dull chime of the clock from the saint's tower, and found herself forced to acknowledge that she was doing very wickedly in loving a Jew.

truth

Dictionary entry pending editorial verification. Tap Listen to hear the word.

From this reading She had, in truth, consented to become a spy upon her father, and was so to do in furtherance of the views of one who suspected her father of fraud, and who had not scrupled to tell her that her father was dishonest.

undertaken

Dictionary entry pending editorial verification. Tap Listen to hear the word.

From this reading She had not, indeed, quarrelled with her lover, who had again caressed her as she left him, and assured her of his absolute confidence, but she had undertaken a task against which her very soul revolted.

uponprepositionUS /əˈpɑːn/

a formal word for “on”

From this reading She had, in truth, consented to become a spy upon her father, and was so to do in furtherance of the views of one who suspected her father of fraud, and who had not scrupled to tell her that her father was dishonest.

very

Dictionary entry pending editorial verification. Tap Listen to hear the word.

From this reading She had not, indeed, quarrelled with her lover, who had again caressed her as she left him, and assured her of his absolute confidence, but she had undertaken a task against which her very soul revolted.

views

Dictionary entry pending editorial verification. Tap Listen to hear the word.

From this reading She had, in truth, consented to become a spy upon her father, and was so to do in furtherance of the views of one who suspected her father of fraud, and who had not scrupled to tell her that her father was dishonest.

wasauxiliary verbUS /wɑːz/

the past form of “be” used with I, he, she, it, or a singular noun

From this reading Nina's misery as she went home was almost complete.

wentnounUS /went/

an important story-specific word used in this passage

From this reading Nina's misery as she went home was almost complete.

whichpronounUS /wɪtʃ/

used to introduce a clause giving more about a thing just mentioned

From this reading She had not, indeed, quarrelled with her lover, who had again caressed her as she left him, and assured her of his absolute confidence, but she had undertaken a task against which her very soul revolted.

whopronounUS /huː/

which person or people

From this reading She had not, indeed, quarrelled with her lover, who had again caressed her as she left him, and assured her of his absolute confidence, but she had undertaken a task against which her very soul revolted.

wickedly

Dictionary entry pending editorial verification. Tap Listen to hear the word.

From this reading Now again she thought of St Nicholas, as she heard the dull chime of the clock from the saint's tower, and found herself forced to acknowledge that she was doing very wickedly in loving a Jew.

withprepositionUS /wɪð/

in the company of; together with

From this reading She had not, indeed, quarrelled with her lover, who had again caressed her as she left him, and assured her of his absolute confidence, but she had undertaken a task against which her very soul revolted.

wouldmodal verbUS /wʊd/

used for something imagined, polite, or habitual in the past

From this reading It gave her no comfort to say to herself that she had undertaken to look for that which she knew she would not find, and that therefore her search could do no harm.