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The barber's chair
The barber's chair

Chapter XXXI · _To Mrs Hedgehog of New York._

Chapter XXXI of The barber's chair, “_To Mrs Hedgehog of New York._,” is here in full — 76 sentences across 16 reading sections, with audio for every sentence and word.

Cover illustration for The barber's chair
Context Illustration Reading 1/15 · 5 lines
English subtitles · tap any word to listen 1 / 5
DEAR GRANDMOTHER,--You ought to be in England just now, we’re in such a pleasant pucker.
The Church is in danger again!
I have myself known her twenty times in peril, but now she really is at the very edge of destruction.
You know there’s a place called Maynooth College, where they bring up Roman Catholic priests for the use of Ireland.
Well, there’s a lot of folks who will have it that this college is not a bit better than certain tanks I’ve read of in India, where they breed young crocodiles to be worshipped by people who know no better.
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LEARNER DICTIONARY
Archivist
/ˈɑːrkɪvɪst/
Editorial verification pending

A keeper or guardian of historical records and memories.

The barber's chair

Chapter XXXI · _To Mrs Hedgehog of New York._

Chapter XXXI of The barber's chair, “_To Mrs Hedgehog of New York._,” is here in full — 76 sentences across 16 reading sections, with audio for every sentence and word.

Reading 1/15 · 5 reading units · Lines 1–5

Line 1
DEAR GRANDMOTHER,--You ought to be in England just now, we’re in such a pleasant pucker.
Line 2
The Church is in danger again!
/ðə tʃɜːrtʃ ɪz ɪn ˈdeɪndʒər əˈɡen/
Line 3
I have myself known her twenty times in peril, but now she really is at the very edge of destruction.
/aɪ hæv ˌmaɪˈself noʊn hɜːr ˈtwenti taɪmz ɪn ˈperəl bʌt naʊ ʃiː ˈrɪli ɪz æt ðə ˈveri edʒ ʌv dɪˈstrʌkʃən/
Line 4
You know there’s a place called Maynooth College, where they bring up Roman Catholic priests for the use of Ireland.
Line 5
Well, there’s a lot of folks who will have it that this college is not a bit better than certain tanks I’ve read of in India, where they breed young crocodiles to be worshipped by people who know no better.

Learner Dictionary

These definitions explain words found in the current reading and keep every example grounded in its original sentence.

Oxford-style entry order: headword, part of speech, US IPA, concise definition, contextual example, and audio.

breed verb US /briːd/

call forth

From this reading “Well, there’s a lot of folks who will have it that this college is not a bit better than certain tanks I’ve read of in India, where they breed young crocodiles to be worshipped by people who know no better.”

Catholic adjective US /ˈkæθlɪk/

of or relating to or supporting Catholicism

From this reading “You know there’s a place called Maynooth College, where they bring up Roman Catholic priests for the use of Ireland.”

crocodiles noun US /ˈkrɑːkədaɪlz/

plural of “crocodile” — large voracious aquatic reptile having a long snout with massive jaws and sharp teeth and a body covered with bony plates; of sluggish tropical waters

From this reading “Well, there’s a lot of folks who will have it that this college is not a bit better than certain tanks I’ve read of in India, where they breed young crocodiles to be worshipped by people who know no better.”

Ireland noun US /ˈaɪərlənd/

a republic consisting of 26 of 32 counties comprising the island of Ireland; achieved independence from the United Kingdom in 1921

From this reading “You know there’s a place called Maynooth College, where they bring up Roman Catholic priests for the use of Ireland.”

priests noun US /priːsts/

plural of “priest” — a clergyman in Christian churches who has the authority to perform or administer various religious rites; one of the Holy Orders

From this reading “You know there’s a place called Maynooth College, where they bring up Roman Catholic priests for the use of Ireland.”

pucker verb US /ˈpʌkər/

to gather something into small wrinkles or folds

From this reading “DEAR GRANDMOTHER,--You ought to be in England just now, we’re in such a pleasant pucker.”

tanks noun US /tæŋks/

plural of “tank” — an enclosed armored military vehicle; has a cannon and moves on caterpillar treads

From this reading “Well, there’s a lot of folks who will have it that this college is not a bit better than certain tanks I’ve read of in India, where they breed young crocodiles to be worshipped by people who know no better.”

worshipped adjective US /ˈwɜːrʃəpt/

regarded with deep or rapturous love (especially as if for a god)

From this reading “Well, there’s a lot of folks who will have it that this college is not a bit better than certain tanks I’ve read of in India, where they breed young crocodiles to be worshipped by people who know no better.”

Word partnerships in these lines

English keeps certain words together, and knowing the pair is worth more than knowing each word alone. Every partnership below was counted across our whole published library, and earns its place by appearing far more often than two unrelated words of the same frequency would.

Shown as this reading writes them, with the form the library counts, what kind of pairing it is, and how often it occurs.

twenty times noun + noun

In this reading “I have myself known her twenty times in peril, but now she really is at the very edge of destruction.”

bring up verb + adjective

summon into action or bring into existence, often as if by magic

In this reading “You know there’s a place called Maynooth College, where they bring up Roman Catholic priests for the use of Ireland.”

DEAR GRANDMOTHER adjective + noun

In this reading “DEAR GRANDMOTHER,--You ought to be in England just now, we’re in such a pleasant pucker.”

very edge adjective + noun

In this reading “I have myself known her twenty times in peril, but now she really is at the very edge of destruction.”

in danger preposition + noun

In this reading “The Church is in danger again!”

All words in this reading · 76

Every word in these five lines is listed here, and every one of them can be played on its own.

Dictionary details are shown only when verified; these are not licensed Oxford entries.

adeterminerUS /ə/

used before a singular noun to mean one of a group, when it is not a particular one

From this reading DEAR GRANDMOTHER,--You ought to be in England just now, we’re in such a pleasant pucker.

againadverbUS /əˈɡen/

anew

From this reading The Church is in danger again!

atprepositionUS /æt/

in or near a particular place or position

From this reading I have myself known her twenty times in peril, but now she really is at the very edge of destruction.

beauxiliary verbUS /biː/

used with a past participle to form the passive, or with -ing for continuous tenses

From this reading DEAR GRANDMOTHER,--You ought to be in England just now, we’re in such a pleasant pucker.

betteradjectiveUS /ˈbetər/

(comparative of “good”) superior to another (of the same class or set or kind) in excellence or quality or desirability or suitability; more highly skilled than another

From this reading Well, there’s a lot of folks who will have it that this college is not a bit better than certain tanks I’ve read of in India, where they breed young crocodiles to be worshipped by people who know no better.

bitnounUS /bɪt/

a small piece or quantity of something

From this reading Well, there’s a lot of folks who will have it that this college is not a bit better than certain tanks I’ve read of in India, where they breed young crocodiles to be worshipped by people who know no better.

breedverbUS /briːd/

call forth

From this reading Well, there’s a lot of folks who will have it that this college is not a bit better than certain tanks I’ve read of in India, where they breed young crocodiles to be worshipped by people who know no better.

bringverbUS /brɪŋ/

take something or somebody with oneself somewhere

From this reading You know there’s a place called Maynooth College, where they bring up Roman Catholic priests for the use of Ireland.

butconjunctionUS /bʌt/

used to introduce something that contrasts with what came before

From this reading I have myself known her twenty times in peril, but now she really is at the very edge of destruction.

byprepositionUS /baɪ/

showing who or what does the action

From this reading Well, there’s a lot of folks who will have it that this college is not a bit better than certain tanks I’ve read of in India, where they breed young crocodiles to be worshipped by people who know no better.

calledverbUS /kɔːld/

past form of “call” — assign a specified (usually proper) proper name to

From this reading You know there’s a place called Maynooth College, where they bring up Roman Catholic priests for the use of Ireland.

CatholicadjectiveUS /ˈkæθlɪk/

of or relating to or supporting Catholicism

From this reading You know there’s a place called Maynooth College, where they bring up Roman Catholic priests for the use of Ireland.

certainadjectiveUS /ˈsɜːrtən/

definite but not specified or identified

From this reading Well, there’s a lot of folks who will have it that this college is not a bit better than certain tanks I’ve read of in India, where they breed young crocodiles to be worshipped by people who know no better.

ChurchnounUS /tʃɜːrtʃ/

one of the groups of Christians who have their own beliefs and forms of worship

From this reading The Church is in danger again!

CollegenounUS /ˈkɑːlɪdʒ/

the body of faculty and students of a college

From this reading You know there’s a place called Maynooth College, where they bring up Roman Catholic priests for the use of Ireland.

crocodilesnounUS /ˈkrɑːkədaɪlz/

plural of “crocodile” — large voracious aquatic reptile having a long snout with massive jaws and sharp teeth and a body covered with bony plates; of sluggish tropical waters

From this reading Well, there’s a lot of folks who will have it that this college is not a bit better than certain tanks I’ve read of in India, where they breed young crocodiles to be worshipped by people who know no better.

dangernounUS /ˈdeɪndʒər/

the condition of being susceptible to harm or injury

From this reading The Church is in danger again!

DEARadjectiveUS /dɪr/

dearly loved

From this reading DEAR GRANDMOTHER,--You ought to be in England just now, we’re in such a pleasant pucker.

destructionnounUS /dɪˈstrʌkʃən/

the termination of something by causing so much damage to it that it cannot be repaired or no longer exists

From this reading I have myself known her twenty times in peril, but now she really is at the very edge of destruction.

edgenounUS /edʒ/

the boundary of a surface

From this reading I have myself known her twenty times in peril, but now she really is at the very edge of destruction.

EnglandnounUS /ˈɪŋɡlənd/

a division of the United Kingdom

From this reading DEAR GRANDMOTHER,--You ought to be in England just now, we’re in such a pleasant pucker.

folksnounUS /foʊks/

your parents

From this reading Well, there’s a lot of folks who will have it that this college is not a bit better than certain tanks I’ve read of in India, where they breed young crocodiles to be worshipped by people who know no better.

forprepositionUS /fɔːr/

intended to be given to, or used by, somebody

From this reading You know there’s a place called Maynooth College, where they bring up Roman Catholic priests for the use of Ireland.

GRANDMOTHERnounUS /ˈɡrændmʌðər/

the mother of your father or mother

From this reading DEAR GRANDMOTHER,--You ought to be in England just now, we’re in such a pleasant pucker.

haveauxiliary verbUS /hæv/

used with a past participle to form the perfect tenses

From this reading I have myself known her twenty times in peril, but now she really is at the very edge of destruction.

herdeterminerUS /hɜːr/

belonging to a woman, girl, or female animal already mentioned

From this reading I have myself known her twenty times in peril, but now she really is at the very edge of destruction.

IpronounUS /aɪ/

the person speaking or writing, as the subject of the verb

From this reading I have myself known her twenty times in peril, but now she really is at the very edge of destruction.

I've

Dictionary entry pending editorial verification. Tap Listen to hear the word.

From this reading Well, there’s a lot of folks who will have it that this college is not a bit better than certain tanks I’ve read of in India, where they breed young crocodiles to be worshipped by people who know no better.

inprepositionUS /ɪn/

inside something, or within a place, period, or state

From this reading DEAR GRANDMOTHER,--You ought to be in England just now, we’re in such a pleasant pucker.

IndianounUS /ˈɪndiə/

a republic in the Asian subcontinent in southern Asia; second most populous country in the world; achieved independence from the United Kingdom in 1947

From this reading Well, there’s a lot of folks who will have it that this college is not a bit better than certain tanks I’ve read of in India, where they breed young crocodiles to be worshipped by people who know no better.

IrelandnounUS /ˈaɪərlənd/

a republic consisting of 26 of 32 counties comprising the island of Ireland; achieved independence from the United Kingdom in 1921

From this reading You know there’s a place called Maynooth College, where they bring up Roman Catholic priests for the use of Ireland.

isauxiliary verbUS /ɪz/

the form of “be” used with he, she, it, or a singular noun

From this reading The Church is in danger again!

itpronounUS /ɪt/

a thing, animal, or idea already mentioned

From this reading Well, there’s a lot of folks who will have it that this college is not a bit better than certain tanks I’ve read of in India, where they breed young crocodiles to be worshipped by people who know no better.

justadverbUS /dʒʌst/

and nothing more

From this reading DEAR GRANDMOTHER,--You ought to be in England just now, we’re in such a pleasant pucker.

knowverbUS /noʊ/

be cognizant or aware of a fact or a specific piece of information; possess knowledge or information about

From this reading You know there’s a place called Maynooth College, where they bring up Roman Catholic priests for the use of Ireland.

knownadjectiveUS /noʊn/

apprehended with certainty

From this reading I have myself known her twenty times in peril, but now she really is at the very edge of destruction.

lotnounUS /lɑːt/

(often followed by “of”) a large number or amount or extent

From this reading Well, there’s a lot of folks who will have it that this college is not a bit better than certain tanks I’ve read of in India, where they breed young crocodiles to be worshipped by people who know no better.

Maynooth

Dictionary entry pending editorial verification. Tap Listen to hear the word.

From this reading You know there’s a place called Maynooth College, where they bring up Roman Catholic priests for the use of Ireland.

myselfpronounUS /ˌmaɪˈself/

used when the speaker is also the object of the action

From this reading I have myself known her twenty times in peril, but now she really is at the very edge of destruction.

nodeterminerUS /noʊ/

not any; not one

From this reading Well, there’s a lot of folks who will have it that this college is not a bit better than certain tanks I’ve read of in India, where they breed young crocodiles to be worshipped by people who know no better.

notadverbUS /nɑːt/

used to make a word, phrase, or sentence negative

From this reading Well, there’s a lot of folks who will have it that this college is not a bit better than certain tanks I’ve read of in India, where they breed young crocodiles to be worshipped by people who know no better.

nowadverbUS /naʊ/

in the historical present; at this point in the narration of a series of past events

From this reading DEAR GRANDMOTHER,--You ought to be in England just now, we’re in such a pleasant pucker.

ofprepositionUS /ʌv/

belonging to, or connected with, somebody or something

From this reading I have myself known her twenty times in peril, but now she really is at the very edge of destruction.

oughtmodal verbUS /ɔːt/

used with “to” to say what is right or advisable

From this reading DEAR GRANDMOTHER,--You ought to be in England just now, we’re in such a pleasant pucker.

peoplenounUS /ˈpiːpəl/

(plural) any group of human beings (men or women or children) collectively

From this reading Well, there’s a lot of folks who will have it that this college is not a bit better than certain tanks I’ve read of in India, where they breed young crocodiles to be worshipped by people who know no better.

perilnounUS /ˈperəl/

a source of danger; a possibility of incurring loss or misfortune

From this reading I have myself known her twenty times in peril, but now she really is at the very edge of destruction.

placenounUS /pleɪs/

a point located with respect to surface features of some region

From this reading You know there’s a place called Maynooth College, where they bring up Roman Catholic priests for the use of Ireland.

pleasantadjectiveUS /ˈplezənt/

affording pleasure; being in harmony with your taste or likings

From this reading DEAR GRANDMOTHER,--You ought to be in England just now, we’re in such a pleasant pucker.

priestsnounUS /priːsts/

plural of “priest” — a clergyman in Christian churches who has the authority to perform or administer various religious rites; one of the Holy Orders

From this reading You know there’s a place called Maynooth College, where they bring up Roman Catholic priests for the use of Ireland.

puckerverbUS /ˈpʌkər/

to gather something into small wrinkles or folds

From this reading DEAR GRANDMOTHER,--You ought to be in England just now, we’re in such a pleasant pucker.

readverbUS /red/

interpret something that is written or printed

From this reading Well, there’s a lot of folks who will have it that this college is not a bit better than certain tanks I’ve read of in India, where they breed young crocodiles to be worshipped by people who know no better.

reallyadverbUS /ˈrɪli/

in accordance with truth or fact or reality

From this reading I have myself known her twenty times in peril, but now she really is at the very edge of destruction.

RomanadjectiveUS /ˈroʊmən/

relating to or characteristic of people of Rome

From this reading You know there’s a place called Maynooth College, where they bring up Roman Catholic priests for the use of Ireland.

shepronounUS /ʃiː/

a woman, girl, or female animal already mentioned, as the subject

From this reading I have myself known her twenty times in peril, but now she really is at the very edge of destruction.

suchdeterminerUS /sʌtʃ/

of the kind already mentioned

From this reading DEAR GRANDMOTHER,--You ought to be in England just now, we’re in such a pleasant pucker.

tanksnounUS /tæŋks/

plural of “tank” — an enclosed armored military vehicle; has a cannon and moves on caterpillar treads

From this reading Well, there’s a lot of folks who will have it that this college is not a bit better than certain tanks I’ve read of in India, where they breed young crocodiles to be worshipped by people who know no better.

thanconjunctionUS /ðæn/

used to introduce the second part of a comparison

From this reading Well, there’s a lot of folks who will have it that this college is not a bit better than certain tanks I’ve read of in India, where they breed young crocodiles to be worshipped by people who know no better.

thatconjunctionUS /ðæt/

used to introduce what somebody said, thought, or felt

From this reading Well, there’s a lot of folks who will have it that this college is not a bit better than certain tanks I’ve read of in India, where they breed young crocodiles to be worshipped by people who know no better.

ThedeterminerUS /ðə/

used before a noun that is already known, already mentioned, or the only one of its kind

From this reading The Church is in danger again!

there's

Dictionary entry pending editorial verification. Tap Listen to hear the word.

From this reading You know there’s a place called Maynooth College, where they bring up Roman Catholic priests for the use of Ireland.

theypronounUS /ðeɪ/

the people, animals, or things already mentioned, as the subject

From this reading You know there’s a place called Maynooth College, where they bring up Roman Catholic priests for the use of Ireland.

thisdeterminerUS /ðɪs/

used for a person or thing that is near, or that has just been mentioned

From this reading Well, there’s a lot of folks who will have it that this college is not a bit better than certain tanks I’ve read of in India, where they breed young crocodiles to be worshipped by people who know no better.

timesnounUS /taɪmz/

a more or less definite period of time now or previously present

From this reading I have myself known her twenty times in peril, but now she really is at the very edge of destruction.

toparticleUS /tuː/

used before the base form of a verb to make the infinitive

From this reading DEAR GRANDMOTHER,--You ought to be in England just now, we’re in such a pleasant pucker.

twentynounUS /ˈtwenti/

the cardinal number that is the sum of nineteen and one

From this reading I have myself known her twenty times in peril, but now she really is at the very edge of destruction.

upadjectiveUS /ʌp/

being or moving higher in position or greater in some value; being above a former position or level

From this reading You know there’s a place called Maynooth College, where they bring up Roman Catholic priests for the use of Ireland.

usenounUS /juːs/

the act of using

From this reading You know there’s a place called Maynooth College, where they bring up Roman Catholic priests for the use of Ireland.

veryadjectiveUS /ˈveri/

precisely as stated

From this reading I have myself known her twenty times in peril, but now she really is at the very edge of destruction.

we're

Dictionary entry pending editorial verification. Tap Listen to hear the word.

From this reading DEAR GRANDMOTHER,--You ought to be in England just now, we’re in such a pleasant pucker.

WelladverbUS /wel/

(often used as a combining form) in a good or proper or satisfactory manner or to a high standard (“good” is a nonstandard dialectal variant for “well”)

From this reading Well, there’s a lot of folks who will have it that this college is not a bit better than certain tanks I’ve read of in India, where they breed young crocodiles to be worshipped by people who know no better.

whereconjunctionUS /wer/

in or at the place that

From this reading You know there’s a place called Maynooth College, where they bring up Roman Catholic priests for the use of Ireland.

whopronounUS /huː/

which person or people

From this reading Well, there’s a lot of folks who will have it that this college is not a bit better than certain tanks I’ve read of in India, where they breed young crocodiles to be worshipped by people who know no better.

willmodal verbUS /wɪl/

used to talk about the future, or about willingness

From this reading Well, there’s a lot of folks who will have it that this college is not a bit better than certain tanks I’ve read of in India, where they breed young crocodiles to be worshipped by people who know no better.

worshippedadjectiveUS /ˈwɜːrʃəpt/

regarded with deep or rapturous love (especially as if for a god)

From this reading Well, there’s a lot of folks who will have it that this college is not a bit better than certain tanks I’ve read of in India, where they breed young crocodiles to be worshipped by people who know no better.

YoupronounUS /juː/

the person or people being spoken to

From this reading DEAR GRANDMOTHER,--You ought to be in England just now, we’re in such a pleasant pucker.

youngadjectiveUS /jʌŋ/

(used of living things especially persons) in an early period of life or development or growth

From this reading Well, there’s a lot of folks who will have it that this college is not a bit better than certain tanks I’ve read of in India, where they breed young crocodiles to be worshipped by people who know no better.

Chapter 31 of The barber's chair by Douglas William Jerrold holds 76 sentences, grouped into 16 reading sections of at most 5 sentences. The text is the source edition, unabridged, and the chapter records which sentences cover which part of the work so that nothing is dropped. Every word can be tapped for its pronunciation and dictionary entry.

What does chapter 31 of The barber's chair contain?

Chapter 31 holds 76 sentences of The barber's chair, unabridged, divided into 16 reading sections.

This page carries chapter 31 of The barber's chair by Douglas William Jerrold exactly as it stands in the source edition, without abridgement. It runs to 76 sentences, grouped into 16 sections of at most 5 sentences so that a reader can take the chapter in steady, finishable pieces. The chapter also stores a coverage record mapping every one of its sentences to a part of the work, which is how the edition demonstrates that no line was dropped.

How do I study chapter 31 of The barber's chair?

Work through the 16 sections in order, replaying any sentence and tapping unfamiliar words for their entries.

Each of the 16 sections in this chapter is short enough to read once, hear once, and then re-read with the vocabulary in view. Tapping a word plays it alone and opens its dictionary entry with IPA, part of speech and meaning, so the reader is never forced to guess a pronunciation from spelling. Working section by section keeps a long chapter from becoming an undifferentiated wall of text, which is the usual reason a reader abandons a work of this period.

Can chapter 31 be read aloud to me?

Yes — every sentence and every individual word in chapter 31 can be played aloud in United States English.

Audio covers the whole chapter: any sentence can be played, and any single word within it can be played on its own. The voice uses United States English. For a work of this period that matters, because spelling is an unreliable guide to pronunciation for vocabulary that has fallen out of daily use, and a learner who guesses wrong tends to keep the error. Hearing the word in its own sentence, and then alone, settles it.

Questions about reading The barber's chair

Common questions about reading The barber's chair by Douglas William Jerrold on this page, its source edition and its audio.

Is this the complete text of The barber's chair?

Yes. All 3759 sentences of Project Gutenberg eBook #69868 are kept, with a record of which sentences cover which part.

Which edition of The barber's chair is used?

Project Gutenberg eBook #69868, unabridged. The Project Gutenberg header, footer and licence are removed.

How long does The barber's chair take to read?

About 313 minutes of reading across 752 sections of 5 sentences each, at an unhurried pace.

How to read The barber's chair section by section

How to work through The barber's chair section by section, using the audio and the tap-to-define vocabulary.

  1. Open a chapter

    Choose one of the 40 chapters of The barber's chair to begin.

  2. Read one section

    Each section holds 5 sentences; read it once through.

  3. Listen and tap

    Play the section aloud, then tap any unfamiliar word for its entry.

Vocabulary met early in The barber's chair

Words and structures a reader meets early in The barber's chair, each tappable for pronunciation and meaning.

Hedgehog
A word that appears in the opening chapter of The barber's chair; the reader can tap it to hear it and see its dictionary entry.
Letters
A word that appears in the opening chapter of The barber's chair; the reader can tap it to hear it and see its dictionary entry.
Douglas
A word that appears in the opening chapter of The barber's chair; the reader can tap it to hear it and see its dictionary entry.
Jerrold
A word that appears in the opening chapter of The barber's chair; the reader can tap it to hear it and see its dictionary entry.